So the other day I was at the office, minding my own business and ‘working’, and I got a text message from Ben. It’s been about a month since our last conversation, which consisted of him telling me there was “no way he could be in a meaningful relationship right now, but that he wasn’t seeing anyone else.” He was “still interested in me, and wanted to still be friends at the very least if not more.”
Looks like he wanted to send a friendly P.S. and let me know how he’s been making out since then. A thoughtful follow-up text message. And what a text message it was. A text and a half. Well, two actually, since what he had to say was so long it came in two increments. The funny thing is that his whole point could have been summed up in one sentence, but he added in a lot of fluffer before and after to soften the blow.
Here’s what it said: “Blah blah blah, blah blah blah, Oh, by the way, I met someone else, blah blah blah, blah blah blah.”
I have to admit I did have a moment of weakness right after I read that. I called my friend bawling, and I was like “Do you think it’s over?”
She said, “Ummm YEAHHHHHH. He MET SOMEONE ELSE. It doesn’t really get more ‘over’ than that. I think it’s safe to say that’s the end.”
In retrospect, I’m sure he met the backpage girl beforehand and was trying to let me down easy when he called a month ago. Which is fine. I really don’t see anything wrong with letting someone down easy. It’s a regular practice that I myself have partaken in and found to be quite effective. But you don’t let the person down so easy that you leave it open and then text message him/her a month later that you met someone else! Stick to your story. If you’re taking the ‘it’s not you it’s me” approach, keep at it. Don’t turn around halfway and decide you want to go down the ‘brutally honest’ route instead. That’s just silly.
I had him pegged as this wonderful, straightforward, stand-up guy too. But his grand finale ended that straightaway. His text was pretty circa Sex and The City breaking up on a post-it if you ask me. It’s like he was trying to be this “honest, good guy telling the truth,” but did it for selfish reasons like trying to make himself feel better and half-assed it by texting. Chump.
Who knows, maybe it was just residual Army Brat behavior coming out that caused him to send that message. He had to “make it official.” I saw the ‘Sir yes sir!” mentality come out in him a couple of times, and maybe this was just more Army-ness manifestation.
For example, he was a morning person. And if that’s not a Marine characteristic, I don’t know what is. You don’t sleep in when you’re in the army. You get woken up by someone screaming in your ear and you eat slop and do one-armed pushups in the mud. Unless G.I. Jane gave me a false representation.
I found out Ben was ‘one of them’ when he said “Let’s have breakfast Sunday morning.” I hesitated with, “Well, what do you consider morning?” And it was just as I had feared. ‘Morning’ was 8 a.m. 800 hours. On a Sunday. 8:00 am on a Sunday morning. That’s still the tail end of Saturday night as far as I’m concerned. ‘Sunday’ doesn’t begin until at least noon.
He was so serious too. “Hey Cherie, what’s your 20?” “My ETA to pick you up at your house is in half an hour.” “Let’s schedule some QT this week.” Okay, maybe I’m exaggerating a little. I’m still in mourning; just let me have this one.
He had moved around a lot as a kid too in typical Army Brat fashion. I think that’s what made it so easy for him to get attached to people so quickly. But also enabled him to let them go just as easily.
I honestly don’t think I’m to blame for this one though. I was led astray, now that I look back on it! I was like an innocent kid against a Candyman. Never stood a chance. He was busy whispering some pretty serious words or lines or whatever they were in my ear. “I just feel so comfortable with you.” “I’ve never felt like this before.” Or my personal favorite, “I like the way we fit together.”
He was going all out. Driving over to my apartment when he lost his phone to post up signs everywhere. “Call me!” Calling at 9:00 am when I hadn’t responded to his text from the night before since he had “checked his outbox but couldn’t tell if he’d sent the message or not.”
I really shouldn’t be mad though. He served a purpose in my life. I saw certain qualities in him that I now know are important to me. Good qualities that I should put on my “Ideal Man List”. Provided I actually had that list and it wasn’t just another backpage item on my “To Do List”. I’m a huge lister, by the way. But lately I’ve been starting to wonder if lists are such a good idea. Maybe lists just beget more lists? I should look into that. Remind me to put that on the “To Do List”.
Anyway, I can honestly say that I’m happy with the way things turned out. It’s exciting to have a brand new clean slate. A fresh start. The field is wiiiiide open. I guess it’s true what they say; the more backpage things change, the more they stay the same. Because just like when I first started this backpage blog, this is the story of my backpage dating life from here on. What happens next is anyone’s guess.
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